Yom Ha'atzmaut
Memories of the celebration ‘Amolikke Yoren’ are Tukka very fondly remembered…….. as far back as 60 years ago, we used to all go to the celebrations which were held at the Old Balfour Park Sokka stadium, home of theFamous Highlands Park football team…
Yom Haatzmaut is Israeli Independence Day, a day of great celebration held every year in late April or early May – on the day (in the Hebrew calendar) which, in 1948, Israel declared its independence.
In Israel, the celebration is huge with quite a lot of military displays………
In those days we used to hitch a lift along the BIG LB (louis Botha) or walk …. busses cost money and then there was less money for Pinball at the Rocket Café..
Those celebrations were the best, with dog show, the SAPS (Souff Effrikken Police) doing demonstrations, Fire Work displays, and one year, the fireworks lit up as A large Magen David…… Food stalls were there, and methinks the highlight was seeing ‘Unzerer’ (Yiddisher) reserve cops on duty, walking around the stadium in full ‘uitpak’ (best) uniforms……
Security was Tukka not an issue like it is today….. Guys like Harold Jankelowitz, Colin Kursman, Dov , Marshall, Phil Wiskin and many more on patrol. ……..Unfortunately, all these ‘Gutte Yidden’ have passed on…….
Balfour then closed and methinks it moved to Linksfield King David, which seemed to be virtually a mass of food stalls, and the Late Barney Glass running around directing everything
They were OK….I remember we used to donate the potato Latka stall and make 1,000’s on the night….. It then moved around to carious venues, and security was then a huge concern..
We Carered a few at Gold Reef City which the Krok’s supplied at no cost, and they were very good, with all the rides, BUT….. a nightmare to get to in the afternoon with peak traffic…..
The ones they had at Huddle Park, were Tukka the closest to those in the 60’s and this year it is being held at the Yeshiva College, with Yom Hazikaron the night before for the fallen Israeli soldiers and Terror attacks in Israel….
That has been held there for many years at the Yeshiva College…..Amolikke Yoren it was held at the Simon Kuper Hall.
Roll up to Yom Hazikaron on Monday at Yeshiva College at 6.30 pm, and then on Tuesday from 4.00pm at the Yeshiva College for Yom Ha’atzmaut……
The Sydenham Israel tour will be in Israel over the period, and Rabbi Yossy & Rebbetzin Rochel will be joining them……
Jewish and Chinese pilots
It's the first time they've flown together and an awkward silence between the two seems to indicate a mutual dislike.
Once they reach cruising altitude, the Jewish captain activates the Auto-pilot, leans back in his seat, and mutters,
'I don't like Chinese..'
'No rike Chinese?' asks the co-pilot, 'why not?'
'You people bombed Pearl Harbor , that's why!'
'No, no', the co-pilot protests, 'Chinese not bomb Peahl Hahbah!
That Japanese, not Chinese.'
'Japanese, Chinese, Vietnamese.....doesn't matter, you're all alike!'
There's a few minutes of silence……..'I no rike Jews!' the co-pilot suddenly announces.
'Oh yeah, why not?' asks the captain.
'Jews sink Titanic!' says the co-pilot.
'What? You're insane! Jews didn't sink the Titanic!' exclaims the captain,
'It was an iceberg!'
Iceberg, Goldberg, Greenberg, .......... you’re all alike.
Two Arab prisoners of the Six Day War were discussing their defeat.
“Why do you think we did so badly?” asked the one. “Was it because the Russian weapons were no good?”
“The weapons were find” said the other. “It was the Russian military textbooks that let us down.”
“What did they say?”
“First retreat and draw the enemy into your own territory. Then wait for the winter snows.”
Bravery in the Israeli Army ……
General Marshall is in charge of the American Army, and he is visiting his colleague General Goldstein, who is in charge of the Israeli Army. Marshall arrives at the military camp and is greeted by Goldstein. They both walk around the place, and Marshall asks: "So how are your men?"
"Very well trained, General."
"I hope so. You see, my men over at the United States Army are so well trained, you see, they're the bravest men in the world."
"Well, I'm not so sure about that General," replies Goldstein. "My men are very brave, too."
"I'd like to see that," says Marshall.
So Goldstein calls private Barak and says: "Private Barak! I want you to stop that tank simply by standing in front of it!"
"Are you crazy?" says Private Barak. "It would kill me! Are you some kind of fool?"
Goldstein turns to a Marshall and says, "You see? You have to be pretty brave to talk like that to a general."
The Israelis and Arabs realized that, if they continued fighting, they would someday end up destroying the whole world.
So, they decided to settle their dispute with an ancient practice: a duel of two, like David and Goliath.
This "duel" would be a dog fight.
The negotiators agreed each side would take 5 years to develop the best fighting dog they could.
The dog that won the fight would earn its people the right to rule the disputed areas.
The losing side would have to lay down its arms for good.
The Arabs found the biggest, meanest Dobermans and Rottweilers in the world.
They bred them together and then crossed their offspring with the meanest Siberian wolves.
They selected only the biggest, strongest puppy of each litter, fed it the best food.
They used steroids and trainers in their quest for the perfect killing machine.
After the 5 years were up, they had a dog that needed steel prison bars on its cage.
Only expert trainers could handle this incredibly nasty and ferocious beast.
When the day of the big dog-fight finally arrived, the Israelis showed up with a very strange-looking animal,
a Dachshund that was 10 feet long!
Everyone at the dogfight arena felt sorry for the Israelis.
No one there seriously thought this weird, odd-looking animal stood any chance against the growling beast over in the Arab camp.
All the bookies took one look and predicted that the Arab dog would win in less than a minute.
As the cages were opened, the Dachshund slowly waddled toward the center of the ring.
The Arab dog leaped from its cage and charged the giant wiener-dog.
As he got to within an inch of the Israeli dog, the Dachshund opened its jaws and swallowed the Arab beast whole in one bite.
There was nothing left but a small puff of fur from the Arab killer dog's tail floating to the ground.
The stunned crowd of international observers, bookies and media personnel let out a collective gasp of disbelief and surprise.
The Arabs approached the Israelis, muttering and shaking their heads in disbelief.
"We do not understand," said their leader,
"Our top scientists and breeders worked for 5 long years with the meanest, biggest Dobermans, Rottweilers and Siberian wolves,
and they developed an incredible killing machine of a dog!"
The Israelis replied. "Well, for 5 years, we have had a team of Jewish plastic surgeons from Boca Raton working to make an alligator look like a Dachshund."
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